Everyday I wake up and I have a choice. Play it safe or change the game. Be comfortable or face the discomfort. Can I be comfortable being uncomfortable? I will only know if I do things I don’t want to do. So maybe it’s time I go against all my usual decisions. Maybe I go to the studio instead of yoga at home. Maybe I say yes to every opportunity that comes my way. I protect my boundaries but maybe too much. I feel like my comfort for stillness and peace out weighs my desires to the point that I don’t know what I desire. Sometimes I think something is wrong with me or maybe I just need to stop overthinking and just be comfortable not having any desires.

I would get that little spark of joy that comes from creating something and enjoying the process not solely wanting to reach the perfect finished piece.

Speak your truths, And you will find and keep peace. Hold it all in, And nobody wins. So I say, let it all out Shout it out. Run to the roof or even the mountain tops, Go barefoot And express your needs Bee Wild, barefoot and free, so the inner beast feeds. Howl out the moon, And you will Have exactly what you need real soon.

This clutter reveals that I am currently prioritizing everything and everyone else and not taking the time to value myself or what my body is needing which is something a value highly and encourage others to remember to be. Somehow I have forgotten that myself

Everyday we open our eyes We have choices to decide. Ones that will direct us down our path Will we contract or Will we expand, just do the math. So I remind myself, There are no obligations in this life. Bee present Bee kind And everything Will bee fine. I remind myself you don’t have to earn a thing, Just take a breath, no need to feen. The inhale and exhale is the guide. So I lead with present mind and grace And don’t join in on the rat race. I take each day as if it were my last. Move with the energy of the mind, body and soul, And let the present moment bee the way back home.

I overthink… Which is not great, So I’ve decided to let go. And just feel it in my soul. When I decide to slow down, Everything that annoys me Vanishes, poof, bam, Kapow, all annoyances go finite and my mind goes Oh wow. Thanks Traci for taking time to see There really is nothing in life that should phase me. So I choose to slow down And let things flow Why waste time worrying about the unknown. Overthinking is a trait that just is not great. So do what you need to see you will have everything you need when you need it when you take time for what you need.

If I’m going with an opinion of myself it would be I am not good enough. If it is a general opinion having to do with the world it would be “just live your life and be kind, the world is too filled with negativity to live in fear”

So much would release and I would have space to allow myself a little more grace and I would have just that much more capacity to listen to my body and my soul so that I could feel free.

Finally had time to transfer my plants that needed a bigger home. My ginkgo plant is not living in my cracked solar plexus sound bowl .

Three areas I genuinely felt capable this past week isWhen I show up to hike these trails, I trust myself to go barefoot when the time is right and off goes the shoes and then I just move like a mountain goat. Yesterday, When I bathed my dogs and cleaned my house, I turn into a house witch and just know exactly what needs to be done to make the house organized and sparkle again. & third thing was Finishing the last page in my 2025 Drawing journal with this Pokémoon idea. Productivity is apart of a process but feeling capable comes with confidence and trust in the unknown and I believe there is infinite possibilities of how each day can come and go when I can stay open minded and trust myself and let my intuition be my guide to opening up my gifts And siddhis. And remind myself with gratitude , I Get to live my life each day.

Helping a friend take down a fence, getting a veggie garden planted, and getting my workout in even after teaching my classes. These moments felt different because I felt a lightness afterwords. I had a feeling of pride and excitement not just of accomplishment.

I was hiking in upstate NY and the Airbnb was kinda sketchy and dirty. The bugs were intense and it was the hottest few days on record this season. I started the experience being very much a no person. But once we met the Airbnb owner we saw the love he was creating in the space with his daughter. And how very hard he was trying to make everything perfect for his guests. The heat began to be something we saw as cleansing and we dressed appropriately and allowed the sweat to pour. And when we were hiking in the damp forests we met so many cool frogs and all different types of mushrooms. I also saw the most incredible sunset of my life over Lake Ontario. Each obstacle was a moment to pause and reflect. So what there was cob webs and dirt on the walls. So what it was humid, so what. When we widened the lenses we saw such beauty, not rules or restrictions or hesitation. Yes we were very uncomfortable but the why was a little silly. And we were so glad we pushed through and stuck it out! It was an incredible trip!

we’re never really forgotten at all. As we watch the wildflowers sway, they take us back to the moments that will live in our hearts forever. The laughter, the tears, the hugs, the good and the bad, but mostly the memories of all the love. That big, makes you smile and makes you cry love.

That we are magic no matter what we look like. There is something special to be found in every stage.

Like little reminders Why is it so often questioned Why so often forgotten The past All that I’ve learned Yet each new obstacle my brain forgets Forgets everything we’ve done to get here The love needs to be boundless The answers so clear The heart so open The truth so present Guide me to where I belong To where I meant to be

To come closer so that I can sit in the safety of the oak and hear its stories. Listen to its secrets so that I can help to spread that wisdom and magic to the world. The branches of the oak may be gnarled but there beautiful tree still has so much to teach and say. It is strong, it had seen things over the years and is ready to share the wisdom to those that have come to listen. There is beauty and magic there we just have to take the time to listen

The garden. Awakened by the bees, The high priestess knows what she needs. Move slow, Step light, Everything you need is in sight. The life you live happens in the Now, Don’t resist, Breath And let the world know Home is Everywhere you go.

Possibilities The ability to help The ability to save someone or something The bird, the turtle, the dog The human An open heart A willingness The bond that connects us all makes it so We are one Let my gift help you

Let me see what they’ve seen How the landscapes have changed How the cars have changed How the people have looked through the years How bright with electronics everything has become How robotic humans are Easily manipulated Manufactured With the click of a button With one click of the heart The leaves ask us to remember the cycle How we can be born again Start anew See life from a brand new point of view Back to simpler times Nothing back lit Focus on love and absorbing you in all the ways Hearing smelling seeing touching tasting Grab all your senses today Ignite them all before the fall Before we start anew All over again

Reflect stories of the past and the future. Time and space rippled wide open And whoever was around was able to see into their lives. Worry and fear, Confidence and grace, All emotions flickered Especially in a time of need. The moon told us to smile more And go into the light. Let darkness fade away, Down stream, And let your hopes and dreams Come into beam.

late night writing sessions. The blue glow from the computer screen illuminated my face in the dark living room where I sat perched on the couch until 4am. I wrote about the aurora dancing in the arctic sky. Green, pink, and purple ribbons filled my minds eye as I described their delicate movements to paint a picture for all to see.

The canvas whispered stories of forgotten dreams as the brush danced through the colors of liquid gold. Whispers grew louder as the colors began to fade into deeper hues of blue. The stories begin to grow more intense and a feeling of uncertainty washes over you. Each stroke lending to more drama, the colors swirl in to meet your mood. You’re heavy now as the colors fade to black, the story is disheartening. You begin to feel sadness, hopeless as tears become one with the canvas. With this bond a reaction begins to happen. The canvas begins to glow, swirling through the darkness and coming alive. You feel warmth and the strokes become lighter, effortless. You hear the birds off in the distance. You drop your brush and wipe your tears. The good with the bad. The beauty with the pain. Every story. Every ping of doubt, every beat of your heart. You are it all. Let your smile cry my beautiful canvas

vanished from existence and a new world was created. One where darkness was the norm. Figures moved in and out of the shops that lined the streets. Nobody stopped to chat. They were eerily suspicious of everyone around them. What is this place, I thought. Surely something must be afoot.

* Where do my wishes go once swept up by you Do they scatter across the lands Or do they magically come true But at day light my story changes My view a new Dreaming again, dreaming again for you How untouchable Hold my secrets safe for me Your glow, the only hope I know When you stop shining that’s end of me A melody catches my ear A flicker of light sent to you A download for the archives To many to compute Will I ever not need you Was that ever to be My dream catcher at dawn Hold my light for me How untouchable Hold my secrets safe for me Your glow, the only hope I know When you stop shining that’s end of me *

Releasing scents, Attracting the bees. Sit still, Be quiet, Let the field, Speak sweet nothings, The answers Transit In space and time Moving around into your mind. Let the garden, Show you the way Home The story of life Is being right where you are Presently present Flower petals moving in the wind.

Protect these delicate beauties Allow them the freedom to grow and become one with the earth again Allows us to walk the winding paths of gravel towards your beauty and admire you from a far Be envelope in your essence and fragrance How grateful I am to know you so deeply How you move and bend Know when you need love and attention A relationship I will never take for granted for one second Oh how much you’ve taught me But the most important lesson of all How beauty should be held, how time moves, and how to share both of these with those you love I will love you forever and always My dear flower

Without worry or care. Speak with intention, Speak with truth, Use your voice To paint your dreams, Speak them out loud For all to hear and see. Your dreams require your words So face them with color, Allow each word to create, Exactly what you need. Allow optimism to float Out your mouth on to the tip of your tongue just like A paintbrush has endless bristles for you to try, Connect each word , And let the divine intervene, And you will see , anything is possible , Especially when you sing.

Maybe after a sip of chamomile turmeric tea. The clouds tuck the sun in for the day, And the rain invites us to move still and look inside, For the stories we repeat , Or the ones left untold. In the silence, between each drip, Each drop Sometimes even the sounds of the tick tock, The stories melt away and You know that all is left Is you in each present breath.

Sounds Echoing and radiating through you The hairs on your skin begin to rise Up your spine the tingles travel The rhythm What it does to you Soulful and sexy Your insides swirl with excitement You feel the need to move your hips You open your mouth And the voice escapes Freedom Eyes roll back This feeling Untethered - cathartic - vindicated Aligned This feeling This Sound This Melody This Rhythm Fill my lungs with air and let the sounds permeate all that surrounds me May I be blessed to serenade you

Your truth. Instantly connected to the divine Just close your eyes Let the earth frequency Catch your breath And tune you into the Rhythm in time. Guided in your dreams Just open up and be free

You crazy little diamond Here’s the truth ..,, Its so simple here That little tiny sliver of sun trying to shine just a little longer Like hug you never want to let go of A sip of coffee you savor when the world is still asleep and there’s no where you need to be, no responsibility It’s almost as if seconds could last minutes and minutes could last hours The stillness The breath The smile The hope Time here with spirit I hear whispers of thanks and gratitude for the pause and stillness Take time here more, the wind says To meet me here Before the day ends, feel my last bit of light on your skin, soak me in and all we can become together And as you rest your head down tonight feel my whispers with you as you drift off to dream Let’s imagine a world worth living in Love we must protect Truths that must be heard Dreams that must be fulfilled Light that must shine on through you My crazy little diamond

Your thoughts. No thinking is required, Just intuition and trust. Nature never overthinks, It just shows up. Presently present and moving with the wind. No fears, no contemplating What if. Only asks us to breath And just be Exactly where we are. The divine sits within us and leads us to our needs close and far.

The noise of everyday life. Soft colors drifted through the air like pieces of a dream, carrying the feeling that something beautiful was always unfolding even in the silence. In the moment the earth felt gentle, alive, and deeply connected as if every flower, every breath of wind and every ray of light held a story waiting to be felt rather than understood.

the slow freeze of Winter. Reminding us that after death, comes new life. A new beginning, a fresh start. Grow your new petals, let them dance in the wind and feel the freedom that this whisper is telling you. Grow, glow, flow

Reality Nothing is as it seems Curated portraits with filters Squares chronologically in order intentionally pulling you in Wanting us all to look Gosh you’re so perfect If only I looked like that Had the means to be free No obligations Or is that too a misconception A faulty interpretation Shame shame shame But my well is full And I am free What illusions have been forced on me My attention tends to those green eyes my soul fills my well and pushes my spirit higher Wider, longer, stronger I am free sunflower My seeds flow with the breeze and live inside all that I touch, love and attend to Growing wild and free Pulling you in You want more Leaving you with a sense of belonging You fit here Your heart nestled perfectly next to mine Our reality is the draw Our fire holds the embers of the future What burns allows for the new Let me shed my weakness and grow stronger but softer Allow my fire to be snuffed Kiss my wounds and dance with me till till our feet get tender Hold my love forever and always as I hold yours

My childhood connects, No more forgetting Or wondering, Who I am. The long branches Blow wind across my face I know longer need Another embrace Held by the earth and the stump Of the divine I hold my inner child She breaths in time. Forever one The flame inside connects to the fire on this new moon Relax in your greatness Shine your gifts Be present in the present tense Everything passes too soon

Time seemed to slow down and the world grew quiet enough to hear my own thoughts again. The branches swayed gently in the wind, their shadows dancing across the ground like nature was guiding me somewhere meant only for me. Every step along the trail felt peaceful, almost sacred, as if the earth itself was reminding me to breathe deeper, let go, and trust the journey ahead. Hidden beneath the canopy of green was a kind of stillness that made everything heavy inside me feel lighter.

I was able to duck and dip inside Beneath the halo of the of the leaves and branches I lean against the tree and feel the movement of her branches swaying this way and that I feel my heart beating, in rhythm with her I hope she feels me The depths I want to go The love I can give The life I can provide Am I worth loving, I ask the willow Am I exciting enough Beautiful enough Can you feel me Am I someone worth loving

It felt like nature was speaking without words. Every beam of sunlight breaking through the branches carried a sense of calm, warmth, and clarity. For a moment, nothing else mattered except being fully present in that exact moment. It reminded me how healing it can be to slow down, breathe deeply, and let yourself reconnect with the simple beauty surrounding you.

I completed The Challenge Retreat!!! Went on a trip by myself for the first time in my 38 years! Pushed myself, made new friends, trusted others, and reset my nervous system. So good to meet you Emily!!!

Protects and stands up for whats right Guided by the divine light, I am a messenger Some may see me as a lion, but I feel a eagle, a elephant and a bear are all within me I had such a good writing made and my phone died.. whomp whomp but this was what I remembered from it

The moment I was made. The start of new life. The blood of my mother, creating new life in me. My blood rushes through me, through us, and eventually, to my 4 children. Our blood is always flowing and pulsing within us. LIVE WRITING PROMPT AT THE CHALLENGE RETREAT!!!!!!! 💪🏼

ME - the present moment - the clouds - the breeze - the trees - YOU - the tide - the sounds of you breathing as you’ve exhausted yourself The relationship with ME, the beat of my heart. Fuck - I feel it all This undeniable guide, sweet whispers - go this way - say this - you should do this - lean in - back away An unwavering trust - I just do, love and trust so deep Thank you for letting me feel this, YOU, US, IT So good I could drink it in and hoard it all for myself! As ONE we move through the channels of time and space, pulsing, beating. Erotic and enchanting yet completely based in love. Pull me in, back to YOU - ME - US 🌎

Fear and worry but as the years have gone one I have outgrown that nest. I am moving past those elements and am building a new nest out of love, confidence, peace and magic. I am building a nest that makes me happy and keeps me safe. There is room for all those that give my heart joy and make me excited to experience that joys of life. I love this new nest I am building

Love and faithfulness Trust and the belief that we deserve this I deserve this I wove every thread knowing what knot would hold the strongest So intentional I wove my nest for us

the dolphin in me surfaces when the moment feels light enough to play in when laughter comes easy, unforced, and I’m not overthinking who I’m supposed to be. it shows up in connection in the way I move toward people instead of away, curious, open, wanting to share the experience rather than just observe it. it surfaces in rhythm music, conversation, the flow of a workout, that feeling when everything clicks and I’m just in it, not outside of it. the dolphin in me doesn’t carry weight for long it dives deep when it needs to, but it always comes back up for air, for joy, for breath. and maybe that’s its gift reminding me that even depth is meant to be balanced with play, that I don’t have to stay heavy to be real.

That life is full of treasures. They remind me to play, Be present And pay reverence to the day. Fly high, Fly low, Don’t hold back Love your pack, Find the limb, In the sun, And be a friend When the time comes.

The wild horse that is my body wants to run toward the edge of who I’ve been where the old versions of me loosen their grip and something freer begins to breathe. it runs toward sweat and sunlight, toward the ache that reminds me I’m alive, toward the kind of exhaustion that feels honest, earned, real. it wants distance from doubt, but closeness to instinct that deep, quiet knowing in my chest that doesn’t need permission to move. the wild horse in me doesn’t chase approval, it chases expansion open space, open heart, open becoming. and maybe it’s not running away from anything at all maybe it’s finally running home.

The unknown. I'm desiring something new, something unseen, something exciting! I want to run to a me that has yet to be but is bubbling under the surface and ready to boil. I don't know what, where or how yet but I know that's where I'll find me.

The firefly in me only lights up around dogs and people who want genuine connection. Every dog that comes across my path, or me theirs, gets showered in pets, scratches and sweet talk. As well as people who are kind, genuine and looking for a real connection. These are the things that light me up and fill my tank.

When the energy around me is also light up. The world is filled with lots of darkness right now and when there are moments of light it also lights me up and helps guide me forward

The quiet kind of magic the kind you don’t chase, but feel. It glows in late-night conversations that go deeper than words, in laughter that doesn’t need an audience, in moments where I can just be no pressure, no pretending. The firefly in me only lights up around people who feel like home, places that let me breathe, and experiences that remind me I’m alive, not just moving through life. ✨

energy that makes my spirit feel alive and seen When that soul recognition hits Initiating an immediate sense of connection, safety, home and that spark awakens something deep down inside This doesn’t happen often but these are the vibes that I yearn for

People who value me Who make me feel I can do anything I want It lights up when I am least expecting it Usually after a few thoughts of “will it ever come back?!” It lights up if I feel safe enough to light up and shine

That I can actually do this All of this The singing, the mentoring, the friendships, the relationship, the mothering, the daughter-ing, the sister, the Aunt, the business owner. I have to keep acknowledging the power, the ability to have it all. To try everyday to be present. After breath work I took a Pilates class. And on my drive in the world was still. Nothing was moving, no breeze, just the fog over the lake was moving in a trance like state. The flags hung limp, and sat in their stillness. I thought to myself the world feels like it’s standing still. And maybe it is for me. So I can be all that I dare to be, and have the time to do it.

The elephant in the room is actually just me remembering. Not in loud, obvious ways, but in quiet waves that come and go, filling the space with things unsaid and moments I never fully let go of. It’s the weight of memories that linger a little longer than they should, the kind that sit with me in silence and ask to be felt instead of avoided. I carry them in how I pause, in how I reflect, in how I’m still learning to make peace with what was while stepping into what is. It’s not something anyone else can really see but it’s there, shaping me, softening me, reminding me that growth sometimes begins with simply allowing myself to remember.

don't remember how far i have come just because it is all so new doesn't mean i haven't transformed a thousand million times before every moment a chance to choose more light and it is only just beginning what a gift to finally be able to fly

Will forget the past. Forgive, but never forget Is the saying But what if we forgive and forget so The butterfly can fly and not remember her slower days walking On all them legs. No need to remember A butterfly is on a mission To that sweet nectar A life floating on cloud nine One tasty flower at a time Migrating across space The butterfly returns but as a new generation Grandchildren butterflies arrive Back at the trees and flowers of their ancestors So maybe they actually do remember The past is in our DNA, Breath it in and breath it out, Move in time, A caterpillar or a butterfly Past to future But only the present second Bee on their mind.

was foolish enough to think I had earned my wings. I spent many years of my life being what I considered perfect. No alcohol- No drugs - I stayed away from temptation and had zero friends in my circle because I trusted no one enough to carry my truth. I worked and built a business and focused on living a very quiet and safe life, with zero risks. I loved a man I felt forced to love and did it because that’s what I was supposed to do. For 8 years I walked around this way. Making myself believe this was the best way of life. Often telling myself this is it, this is life for you. You’ve made it Desiree Building a life that was picture perfect for everyone around me, but within I hadn’t reached my truest self. I think in those moments I made myself believe I had, and that I was fully transformed into my wings. Beautiful and brightly colored, but the truth is I was wearing someone else’s ridiculous butterfly costume. Probably got it at Spirit Halloween.

The world tells me I can’t do something. That is when I get crafty and figure out what I need to do

A song of truth Lyrics loaded with melody and soul crushing truth Are you listening sweet butterfly to what your heart is yearning for you to hear The beats of your love, lust and passion, your truest desires and purpose. How she wishes to be free, free from all of you. Your opinions and words and expectations. Let her go She wants to fly up above, soaring free Let her sing, will you

a hum. Quietly vibrating from the inside out. My back tenses. I feel it in my shoulders the most. My heart is on fire. I’m anxious. Spinning spinning spinning like a dance number waltzing inside me. I look calm on the outside but my chest is beating so loudly I can’t think about anything but that hum from within. It’s guiding me, reminding me, to keep on my toes, stay in step with the music, the soft hum of the whale.

A distant call beneath still water soft, steady, and full of quiet truth. It moves through me in waves, rising when I slow down enough to feel it, reminding me that not everything needs to be rushed or explained. There’s a calm strength in it, like it knows exactly where it’s going even when I don’t, and it gently pulls me back to myself when I drift too far.

The heart beat of earth. Each echo pulsing out love, And drumming what life is worth. A sound that holds you Like a kiss or hug from your best friend. This song from a giant soul Awakens the spirit And confirms I’m enough even when the ocean of life is rough The whale song carries me home into the unknown to be brave as I grow old in my human bones.

My sensitivity. I am an empath and experience other's pain DEEPLY, (as well as my own but not as much as I use to). I did not understand this gift for most of my life. And yes, it IS a gift, (and a curse). I was 45 the first time I heard the word empath and learned its meaning. I was floored! My entire life, especially my childhood, all finally made sense. THIS is why I am the way I am. THIS is why I feel soooo much. THIS is me: a caring, thoughtful, intuitive and often damaging to myself empath and I love me ❤️

the wolf because I am both. 🦋

Infinity. It’s in each breath A figure 8 That connects. So many ways to sense the world All my senses might be 5, but maybe 3 more linger inside, Intuition 🐝 one, And my dreams be another & The unknown limb of everything That is possible Only when we tune into our octopus 🐙 minds

8 different hands at one time. Multiple hands that sometimes feels too overwhelming for one person, but our heart is so full of love and thankfulness and we are so BADASS! That we find a way to hold all 8 hands and still care for ourselves. Fun fact… I have 4 young children. 🥹🥰

the places that need the most healing where I tend to do my most feeling and where nothing makes sense As soon as I get clarity the insides in me churn into something wanderlust ready to hit the fog again Like the birds or the wolf trusting the pull even when nothing makes sense something inside me knows and it grows until it is all I see

How to be accountable How to get out of tight situations How to fit in and blend with the crowd but stand out when you need to. How to be calculated and intentional The Octopus keeps coming up for me, I’m sure it’s no surprise. As an initiator 🐙 it challenges individuals to face deep fears. Encourages surrender, transformation and inner strength. Of course it does! With all the changes we/I all have in this year of the horse we need to not be afraid, but transform into what is meant for us! Gosh there truly are no accidents

This can’t go on anymore A change needs to happen The last 10 years of my life I’ve accepted this And now it’s time to make a move To find the answer migrate towards what heals me Maybe this change is a good thing.. or maybe will it break us There’s a lot of confusion and questions, it feels really overwhelming One step at time, one foot in front of the other Answers will soon show me where to fly to Only time can tell

Like everyday. A hermit projector, Nestled in her big baggy clothes, The hood is up covering my eyes, Which brings my cave into present time, in daylight I can hide. Darkness surrounds my mind, I hide my eyes and move in space, Unseen. Deep into comfort, The body recovers, With slow divine grace. Hibernating happens, An annual embrace we must face, Or be lost in this place.

I hibernated through the years when I felt lost, disconnected and lost hope. When those that I thought I could trust/should have been able to trust so horrifically stabbed me in the back. I've closed myself off from the rest of the world to feel safe, untouchable and guarded. The intended outcome was not met and unfortunately this behavior has gone on too long.

I saw the moon. It rose up in the sky, Something deep down inside, Made me howl, The primal instinct To give it all I got, the golden orb, Swallowed me Alive, And made my demons cry. The wolf inside knows the route Pure instinct no doubt. Open the throat, Speak what you need The wolf howls out its creed, With no fears indeed. Especially when paws hit the earth, The wild wolf opens up the hearth.

The wolf inside me woke up when I knew i had enough. When I knew how strong and capable i really am. When everything my life was no longer served me. When I wanted something new. Something unseen that I didn't even imagine. The wolf inside me needs to wake up again.

I let my shields down and started to listen to my wild feminine energy. When I stopped letting others tell me what to do and finally allowed myself to find my pack, the ones who saw me for who I am and helped lift me up. Th wolf in me found my voice and my skills began to shine in a space that needed them.

I stopped waiting for permission and started trusting my own instincts. When the noise faded and I finally listened to that quiet voice inside telling me to move, to grow, to fight for more. It showed up in the moments I chose discipline over comfort, silence over doubt, and courage over fear. The wolf in me isn’t loud for attention it’s steady, focused, and unshaken. It moves with purpose, protects its peace, and keeps going no matter how tough the path gets.

To keep looking, Keep trying, Don’t give up, Please explore. Say yes to the things you see, Everything is right in front of you , No need to speak, Caught up in unreality Everything is a reality. Am I dreaming? Or is this life? Ask yourself twice and You might just see… Life is all but a dream.

A quiet conversation with myself, the kind that only happens when everything else is silent. It moved in a way that didn’t need logic, just feeling like I was being shown something instead of told. There was a sense of direction in it, like I was being reminded to trust where I’m going, even if I don’t fully understand it yet. It felt vivid, almost real, like I was living inside a version of my life that was a little clearer, a little more honest. Every moment carried a feeling I couldn’t shake when I woke up like it was pointing me toward something I’ve been overlooking. Not in a loud way, but in a steady, grounded way that sticks with you. There was something powerful about it, like it stripped everything down to what actually matters. No distractions, no noise just pure emotion and truth. It made me realize that sometimes the answers don’t come when you’re searching for them, they come when you finally let go and just allow yourself to feel.

that reality is so much sweeter than we give it credit for. Teeth falling out uncontrollably, running erratically with no escape, falling endlessly, and topsy turvy embarrassing moments are commonplace in the dream world. The stuff of nightmares as they say. But a really good dream that feels as sweet as life this past week is less common. They’re less memorable than the moments in real life that feel like a dream. How is it we always remember the bad dreams-they stick with us, but never the good? Because if we’re lucky, we’re living the good dreams everyday. My dream last night was a blip in time compared to this sweet reality.

are these writing prompts! I looked back and exactly the same time this month I did the same thing , which is a funny thing to affirm that we are indeed just balls of flesh ran by hormones. LOL Then I used our little Moon Cycle calendar to check where I was ago this time last month and it brought me a lot of insight on forgetfulness and hormones and estrogen. How during this time, I just am a social butterfly and moving a million miles a minute, but I might become more ungrounded with the every day tasks. In less than a week I will be leaving Hawaii for a month - first to visit orcas and do an intense training as a marine naturalist, then to host two beautiful retreats on a property that I dearly love. My hope is to understand myself more - why do I forget certain things and not others? What time of month does it happen more? Where in my life am I remembering? How can I use more parts of my heart and brain, parts that I've never used before? Sigh. It feels good to write.

When I first saw this prompt I was like ohhh nooo let’s not relive any dark memories today But to my surprise, the strongest memory that emerged was… Riding around Weston FL as a child in a bright red golf cart Usually with my Dad and dachshund by my side Music blasting as we sing along Circling through the sand traps on the golf course at full speed Stopping to get a Shirley Temple So grateful that my mind chose to see the lighttt today

Filling my heart with some many emotions. Joy, love, laughter. A memory that shapes who I am

Peace. All those sounds, coming at me at once: yelling, wanting, needing my attention all at once. That beautiful, inviting and oh so needed moment of silence felt like euphoria. It came at the perfect time. I wasn't sure if could go one more moment without it. Calm, still, peaceful silence. Oh how I've missed you ❤️

Agony. The truth My thoughts are so real right now. It’s pure agony for me. The replay of events over and over in my mind is too much to handle. Why am I like this Why must I go to the places I go, no self control. My heart is so soft yet covered with thorns that will cut you if you dare come closer Don’t love me, you will bleed, but it’s your blood that needs to run, not mine. Cleanse your being and fucking try won’t you. Hear me, the truth…it will hurt… Don’t hate me….hate you for not listening sooner

The stopping of time. The unknowing of where the next beat will come from and where my journey will lead. The moment of silence was the stillness before my body reacted to the next beat from the universe. Silence, stop time, react, experience a new magic

A quiet reset, like the world exhaled and I followed right with it. Everything slowed down just enough for me to notice what I had been missing the calm beneath the chaos, the clarity beneath the noise. It wasn’t about doing or thinking, just feeling letting the stillness hold me for a second. And in that space, something inside me softened, like I didn’t have to carry everything all at once anymore. It was simple, but powerful the kind of moment that doesn’t last long, yet stays with you.

tension taking over in my mind True silence is hard to find Left alone with my racing thoughts My gut starts to feel like it’s in knots Learning how to calm my mind has been a journeyyyy Without the music playing. Without the tv on. Without the distractions. Starting to realize that my patterns of thinking can also apply as a superpower IF I can channel that energy Go for a walk. Sit outside in the grass. Surrender to the waves of contemplation. and suddenly that tension fades- the intrusive thoughts soften- those moments of silence feel safe again

It’s like everything slows down just enough for me to actually feel it. Like a quiet reminder that I don’t need to force anything I can just be. The kind of moment that doesn’t ask for attention, but shifts everything anyway. It feels grounding, like my feet are finally planted exactly where they’re meant to be. Like something inside me softens and finally lets go. There’s a calm in it, a stillness that speaks louder than noise ever could. It reminds me that everything is always moving, always growing even when it feels still.🪻🪴 And for a second, nothing else matters but this breath, this feeling, this moment. Like I’m reconnecting with a version of myself that’s always been there. It’s not just a smell it’s a feeling I didn’t know I needed. 🌿✨

it hits me in every lifetime I visualize myself cold and damp and working hard for a simple meal I transform into one with the sea Maybe a being maybe a beast I lift off into nostalgia which sometimes is drenched with confusion of how I know it so well or why it brings back so much Trying to place things as if I have had memories erased The madness that comes from my mind is strong So I surrender and let it warm me remembering I just have been here before I imagine all the lifetimes and smile for they are still with me now cheering me on holding me believing in me and asking me to not give up

I’m not sure because I barely have a sense of smell. I wasn’t gifted with that sense, which is a blessing and a curse. Most scents don’t affect me positively or negatively. But if I can smell something bad, I’m instantly upset. You know it’s bad when even I can smell it, and that’s what pisses me off. The audacity to be so foul smelling that even I can smell it humors me. But on the flip side, anything really good is oblivious to me - a mystery. I’ll never know what a person smells like. Their familiar scent will never find me. I wish I knew what the people I loved smelled like. To be able to recall that fondly is something I’ll never know but always miss, somehow.

The scent of the sea air carried something deeper this time not just calm, but clarity 🌊. Like every inhale was washing away the noise I didn’t realize I’d been holding onto. The breeze moved through me, not around me soft, steady, intentional. And with every wave crashing in the distance, it felt like a quiet reminder that life doesn’t have to be force it can flow 🌅💭

Me away, Never to worry or be afraid. The sweet smells of ocean salt, Fills my lungs and reminds me to be brave. Fears faced with each splash , No more Doubts, only hope for what’s next. The waves come and they go Reminding me there is no where on earth I’d rather be. Just be present the sea asks And all your hopes and dreams will pass. In a blink of an eye, Tears fill my eyes, Dripping down my face, Touching my lips, The tears taste just like the sea and Then I realize the sea air lives inside me.

A drop of sugar on the tongue. A little sweet and full of flavour. Feeling of almost getting a full bit but just missing out and having to wait for more. It was the excitement of anticipation bubbling up to the surface until I was able to get that full experience.

sweetness or bitterness- depends on the day Yearning for the things I think will make my life better But no tangible thing can fill that hole except for myself Realizing that I have everything I need right in front of me I tested alllll my limits this week in the best way Seeing if this new version of myself can hang in old environments Yearning for clarity But what I realized is that there is never going to be a clear path forward- that perfection isn’t attainable- that I can make bad decisions and have positive outcomes and it won’t derail everything- BALANCE

Takes me back in time to a simple life where I was free to frolic in the world not worrying about the responsibilities of adult life. The sound of laughter is the sound of memories from the past and of all the adventures to come. It’s that sound that gives me a moment to really be in the moment and release all my adult responsibilities and just LIVE.

Soothes the soul, A giggle that makes the body glow. One funny moment in time, Can change everything. Every chance you get, Crack that smile, Open up wide, Let those silly sounds, Enter your crown, Down to your toes, Vibrating your bones And bringing you back home.

dancing feet on the loose. Caught in the moment of the rhythm and the beat to the drum. Your heart moves with the soul. And your feet know which way to go. Trust it will take, Breath in and know, Love is the move, And the present moment will bring you home.

forever and a day what else is there to say that's all we have glimpses of love moments of joy intertwined with the heavy that sometimes can weigh on our back it is as if it is a skill to stretch the moments of love and joy into something that looks like infinity celebrating it more thinking of it more holding it more CHERISHING it more not letting it just slip but letting it WRAP ME IN ALL MY DARKNESS because i will always have the dark I just want to spend more time loving that light

A magical spell full of wonder and mystery. It brought excitement of new memories being born and the calm of a familiar feeling.

Rebirth. This rain brought truth. She told Me It’s time to renew and protect Mother Earth. A cleansing of the soul, A spirit renewed. The smell of rain on dry ground, The sweet warm smells, Of petrichor, hit me to my core. The dew helped me see Time passes by in a blink, Third eye open, The crown thinks. We move, we dance for this rain Please fall down so we can rejoice That we have a choice to Be present With each drop Divine presence enters and fills my cup. I became whole When the rain fell That day.

The rain that day felt like a gentle reminder that not everything has to be clear to be beautiful 🌧️🌈. The sky was gray, but it held something deeper something honest. It blurred everything around me, but somehow made me feel more focused within. Like even in uncertainty, there’s peace if you let yourself feel it fully 🌫️💙

It took my breath away Sometimes I have to replay it again and again and again Or I’ll let it slip And my mind will convince my heart It wasn’t as real as it felt Why do I need so much convincing ? As if the world is slipping through my fingers if I don’t grab it Shove it in my face And prove it to me Instead of following my heart beat Heart pulse Heart mind The smartest intelligence inside my body My lungs knew when it saw that sign Gasp I’ll replay it in my mind Until it is a part of me

Shows me the layers of my day. How one moment can melt into the next and create something beautiful. The good, the bad, the joy and the sadness in the end all come together to create something magical that will bring us to a new place. A place of calm A place of happiness. A place to pause. Remember, take it all in, every moment is shown in one of those colours and even though that might not have felt it in the moment, they come together in the end with magic and lovely energy.

Hit me like a dream Cotton Candy coloring Healing is the theme My heart is healing from many things Some I do not know But when that sunset shares her love All I feel is WOAH.

spark memories. The orange, purple, blue, make me remember some of my favorite things. Cool popsicles on a warm day. Sugary juices in a rubbery plastic bottle from the 90s. Barney. The ocean. Anything National Geographic. I spiral back in time and return again to witness the beauty unfolding. The clouds draw me in and I can’t look away until the last colors fade and black is all that is left, until sunrise when I’m captivated again.

The colors of that sunset wrap around the sky like a dream you don’t want to wake up from 🌅✨. Soft pastels blend with bold streaks of fire 🔥, creating a balance between calm 🌊 and intensity ⚡️. It’s the kind of beauty that doesn’t ask for attention it just exists, effortlessly 🍃. And somehow, in watching it, you feel more connected to the moment, to yourself, to everything 🤍. Like the sky is reminding you that even in transition, there’s something worth holding onto the feeling 🌄💫.

Sent love into my heart, 💚 It helped me heal, 🥰 It helped me grow. 🌱 Every color of the rainbow 🌈 Reflects off the ocean 🌊 and into my soul. When The sun sets I know, I am home.

I’d fly like a humming bird or a honey bee and know my purpose right away. There would be nothing to question only where I would be flying today to soak up the sweet nectar and pollinate the world with love and smiles.

I fly at sunrise, when the world is still soft and untouched. The light wraps around me like a promise, and for a moment, everything feels possible. I’m not chasing anything I’m just present, fully alive in the space between where I was and where I’m going. Because once you’ve felt that kind of freedom, even just in your mind you realize it was never about the wings. It was always about becoming.

I'd soar like eagle I saw that the universe showed me today. I woke up and sat on my porch and an eagle was high in the sky above me. I watched how it floated effortlessly through the sky, higher and higher it climbed with such ease. I envisioned myself as the eagle and I felt truly free. What a gift 🎁

No one was watching , moving so deep into soul it was only felt , not seen. Deep down our shadows speak and dance the truth we all need. Don’t be afraid , dance, shake move to the beat. Your heart knows what it needs , dance in the sun , don’t hide in the darkness our shadows want to be seen. Let them show you the way with each step , dosey-doe or tango we all need to find our rhythm and understand our shadows make us who we are - live and dance so your shadows can feel you are no longer afraid but awake

the rhythm of the waves dancing in the ocean Up and down Sometimes gentle, sometimes intense Shifting between the highs and the lows I’ve learned that resisting this flow will only cause turbulence The only way through is to embrace this dance Riding the waves each and everyday

The joy of rain bouncing off of a lake. They started out small in dark but got bigger and brighter as they moved and danced to the beat of their own drum. The shadows danced and they didn’t see as scary any more.

ice cold tequila flowwing down my soul Warm and crisp- oh here we gooo The banter is strong The breeze hits as we dance under the stars Not a worry in the world The demons are no where in sight Just living free in these Columbia nights Is this a relapse or a renewal?

Stepping out of the shadows that I thought the world wanted me to stay in and taking that first step into MY light. It was sweet, joyful and full of magic. It was a shedding of the old me, a release and a growth that has made my soul sing.

And always will be in the present moment, in each deep breath I feel that I am a divine being in this human body. Freedom only exists in this present moment, no rush ever. It all works out , trust, breath and know you are always free

Energizing in the most peaceful way. Like a breath of fresh air, taking a step outside to feel the sun on your face, a gentle breeze through your hair, the ground beneath your feet. A grounding, Soul Changing, nervous system resetting experience. A glimpse into a world that could be, maybe, hopefully, one day. For now, I’ll soak in that small taste and knit it can be.

sweet on the tongue like a fresh juicy strawberry. The first choice to make the change. I didn’t really have a plan I just new I couldn’t go on like this. If I didn’t get out now how long would it be ... how many years would I remain stuck if I just ignored what was right. Sounds similar to a relationship that you shouldn’t be in, or a friendship that is toxic. So much of life we remain stuck. Im realizing I get stuck often. How do I get into these circumstances and how did I not notice this isn’t FOR ME. I started the flower business to prove something of myself. To who? My family? The people that said I never would become something? Or maybe its the people that are so insignificant but yet still hold space deep in my thoughts? Why was that ok to me? I’ve spent a decade of my life creating something that was for all the wrong reasons. Its no wonder I feel nothing when I do it now. Im not creating for me. To some it may seem silly to close a business. Its running well. Your foolish for closing, they say. But the moment I decided ....it was freedom like no other. So sweet. So much power surges through me So much emotion My identity - who would I be - who would I become So sweet to finally choose me

from last night lingers. I can feel her, wrapped in my arms, in front of the Uber man. Not ready to let go, to say goodbye, we lingered in the street. Separate parties awaiting. They can wait one more minute. A final kiss before a long goodbye. I’m catching a flight to Maui now recalling the warmth of that moment.

I resisted i resisted i resisted Don't let it in - my mind screamed But ... my feet softened My roots began to hydrate every second a droplet of water making them sink deeper into the ground I don't want to let it in - my mind moved from screaming to statement But ... my bones nourished not feeling so heavy any more expanding not contracting there is less weight to hold when you hold it with two I don't know if I can let it in - my mind whispered But... in that moment my mind was quiet enough to finally hear my heart melting opening receiving the warmth it has wanted all along ☀️

Snuck up on me at just the right moment. What a sweet embrace from my sweet baby boy - reminding me there’s never a wrong time to say “I love you”

Which brings the warmth of safety, a blanket of trust, an open heart full of joy. The warmth of that hug is the essence of our essence, the bond that brings the separate together, the broken mended and the lonely accompanied.

Sends an energy through my body. It gives my life, comfort, and calms. The warmth of that hug that I have been craving to bring my body back to normal is right there and waiting patiently for me to arrive.

Made me know and feel love. Heart to heart an embrace that makes you smile from the outside in. A warmth that melts all the pain away and makes you feel whole and know you are not the only one who loves you. A hug so warm it makes you understand love is everlasting even when you part ways.

Races against itself…one after the other all single in form - then suddenly two merge into one. Maybe it’s not a race at all, but a chance to reconnect

Matches the beating of my heart. It is a beautiful rhythm that helps my body to flow. Dancing p, dancing, dancing to the beat of nature and the rhythm of my heart.

The rhythm of rain comes with the dance don’t be afraid just take a chance shake your ass. There is always time to sit and hear the rain fall down. Let each drip cleanse the soul and remove the frown. The rain is falling somewhere on this earth so when it’s dry, know in your heart, the rain will come again there’s no way to stop it so you must go with it. Take time and hear and feel and see the rain drop down and know in your heart you will feel and be one with the sound. Rain drops heal in so many ways. Let the rhythm of the splash send you on your divine way.

The rhythm of the rain is a heart steadfast with a love that's pure and true! It's soft petrichor calm our soul, lifts us up to bring renewal to our soul. May we be reborn again ♡

The rhythm of the rain drifts through the air like a soft echo gentle, yet impossible to ignore. It wraps around the moment, blurring the line between outside and within, like nature reaching in to quiet the noise inside your mind. Every drop carries a sense of renewal, washing away what no longer serves you, leaving behind a quiet strength that builds with every passing second. It becomes an invitation to be present to feel each breath a little deeper, each thought a little clearer. The air grows heavier with calm, and for a moment, everything feels aligned as if the storm isn’t here to disrupt, but to restore balance, guiding you back to yourself with every falling drop.

The rhythm of the rain always gives me hope. Hope for what's to come, for what's to grow and for cleaning and clearing of the yuk. I love the sound, smell and excitement it brings. Thank you Mother earth for the renewal you bring through rain ❤️

On the roof was calming and soothing. This is where I sleep each night, and if I’m lucky I get to be rocked to sleep by rain pitter pattering on the roof. It’s an attic type space (even though it’s not an attic at all) I love something about rooms like this, I even had one similar as a child. I must be drawn to the sounds. Occasionally I hear a critter jump from a tree, land and run across the roof. Sometimes I tap my fingers on the ceiling trying to communicate with them. But nothing beats hearing the rain so close, and feeling it in your body on the nights when it pours. It is a rhythm for sure, one I love!

The last thing I thought was how quickly everything had changed. Just moments before, everything felt normal, calm, and predictable. Then suddenly the situation shifted, and my mind raced trying to make sense of it all. In that quiet moment of reflection, I realized how powerful a single thought can be how it can hold fear, hope, and understanding all at once.

Financial freedom. Once free I can begin the work I’m meant to do while here on this earth. Small steps, I’m following the pull, I’m listening. The downloads are so straight forward. I fought them initially. Fear, costs anything that could stall the inevitable. It’s always been this. Terrified to my core but aren’t we supposed to be? Funny I know this to be true, but living it all over again, it all feels different this time. Finding my new identity, it’s nice to meet you. This serial entrepreneur. The belief is real. The quest is real.

a gentle embrace, soft and quiet as the fading light settled over the hills. The sky slowly shifted from gold to deep shades of blue and purple, and for a moment the world felt calm and still. It was one of those peaceful moments where everything slows down, and you simply breathe it in, grateful for the beauty of the evening.

A big goodbye hug. Not wanting to leave especially on the days worth never ending. A seventy degree day, the first one since winter. Everyone soaked up the sun and even wore Birkenstocks. Took trail walks through our favorite park before dinner. Winding and bending sometimes reaching the bay and enjoying the view. Back into the reeds, we see the sun setting and can feel the temperature dropping. Better turn back now. Dusk is upon us.

Love. I say mantras and healing codes into my coffee as I stir. One cup for me and one for my Guy. May protection and love enter this cup of Jo, I am grateful for this dark goodness and all this it is. I remind myself who made this cup get filled up. I send gratitude to the coffee bean farmers and those who roast the beans. I am grateful for the transportation of coffee and how it activates my entire being. One cup deserves a spoon full of honey, so I also thank the bees and with a splash of cream I also send my appreciation to the cows and the farmers who make it all happen. So much love goes into one cup, so each sip fills me up.

it would take this pain away. The best part of my day, so far, seeing as the day has just begun. It’s the treat I need to feel like anything is possible because I’m happy sipping away. Whether hot or cold, I breathe out imagination of what could be. And now it’s time to start.

manic fire A culmination of the pressure I put on myself and the anticipation of all the things I think I need to get done that day That surge of energy hits My brain starts moving faster than it was before Excitement. Stimulation. Productivity Oh no it can turn so easily- Anxiety. Irritability. Rage This is why I usually don’t drink coffee unless I am on one Happy Thursday 😅😂

Creamy deliciousness. Sugar. I never get to have sugar. I shouldn’t have sugar. But man I love sugar, hazelnut. Ugh. I treat myself every now and again.but most times coffee is just simple these days. But I love espresso. Even with a twist of lemon. Most often accompanied by a desert. Man I love desert. Like really love desert.. ok I had to pause and laugh at this stream of consciousness. But coffee is joy. Coffee is the sweet things. Oh so delicious and mmmm worthy! I love coffee and desert too! Ahha tiramisu

water swirling in a whirlpool. Round and round we dance, sometimes swirling so fast we lose sight of one another’s grip but we always come back around. To the constant. To the undoubtable. Our souls bound for life. Your shadow next to mine, dancing to rhythms we know and love and sometimes new melody’s we’ve never heard before make us learn new steps, but we’re not doing so bad. No one even notices. You step on my toe, I step on yours. Forgiveness and love, never ending. My sweetest pea, I love you forever.

Sounds like 80s music, with beats that make you want to dance and move your body. That time where dancing was a daily act, and music was always playing. It made life feel like there was a myriad of possibilities. Simpler times. No responsibilities or bills to pay. Sounds were so vivid. Smells and tastes so strong. Alive in every sense of the word.

The wind in the trees, the birds sing, the bees buzz helping us move, see and feel we are all connected to the one. So easy to forget this absolute truth but the wind blows and reminds of us who we are when we sit alone. Never by ourselves, nature holds all us up and lifts us up with passing time. Quiet down , hear the pulse, hear the drum, open up and play in the sun. No Need to worry no need to rush the perfect song plays when you operate with love.

birds soaring in a synchronized pattern as the sun sets in the sky When that bass hits and the rhythm echoes through the crowd, I feel like I can fly Dancing under the trees with my feet barefoot in the grass Surrounded by people spreading love, smiles, and laughs My soul lights up, sending chills down my spine Not a worry in the world at this moment in time Even though my music festival days have passed, the memories hold strong I will always remember those feelings invoked by this one song

fog hovering on the distant water. Making land disappear, nothing else exists. It captivates all who embody this feeling and hold its stillness. Nothingness, where we end and the world begins, we become one. Ominous because of every thriller movie we watched as a kid, knowing deep down this rare sighting is more important to take in then those silly memories. To replace that ominous thought with what beauty Mother Earth can create. Perfection, a chance to feel the clouds, glossy stillness, absolute oneness. We had the most incredible fog in Jersey on Saturday. And it’s still with me. Wish I could share a photo for this one! 🤍☁️

I had been held in winter forever and didn’t even realize How cold I had become. The way a look stays with you for a week and warms you from the inside out That’s how this moment felt A beautiful piece of time with no doubt That all was perfect Everything well The glory of yellow The story it shall tell May I learn to live in such presence Each and every day As my skin shifts to bronze In every cell may the sun stay

A warm snuggle with your lover, embraced and protected. Divinely held, the rays hit my body and infinite intelligence enters my soul. Balanced and free, all-knowing. Sit and feel it, the truth comes when you can just be and not need. The answers come through the surface enter my being as heat and disperse into me. Connected to everything like a bee , my sun compass guides and wants me to be free. No longer tied down by the dark cold thoughts of the mind, expansive and warm, making me feel more than just fine.

it does every season. The air is still crisp, the wind still slighty bitter, holding on to winters last few breaths. I find a coner where the wind cant reach me, a comfy pillow to lean on and a blanket to drape over my legs. I tilt my chin to the sky and let the sun drench me. Opening my pores and breath in the rays. Obsorbing this energy causes chills to quiver down my spine. This connection is so pure and simple. A clear understanding. I need you, we need you. I want more of you. I expose more of my skin like petals releasing from a bud, my body surrendors to the oneness. I fall asleep here. Never wanting to leave.

Soft silky comfort Always wearing comfy clothes Helping me cope in moments when I’m in sensory overload Today I went to a basketball game I was so overstimulated by the loudddd noises In that moment I was so grateful for my silky joggers- something tactile bringing me back to center

childhood, of course. When times were simpler and we played outside every day until the street lights came on. Our only reprieve from the summer heat were those drops of rain that kind of sizzled and simmered at our bare feet. Trips to the local pool were a regular occurrence and when those drops that fell from the sky were followed by lightning we took cover until the whistle blew and it was safe to dive in again. We were always barefoot when that scent was in the air. That connection of the senses is so vivid in my mind. Feeling ground.

Being a child. The excitement of summer. Knowing we could be outside and play again. The winters are always so long and cold here. When the pavement is hot enough to steam up from an afternoon rain shower, you know summer is here. Beach days and bikinis.

Have been from my heart since the moment of birth There is no delaying in what we are saying : The life we desire Is fueled by the FIRE That you choose to keep OR … choose to put out It’s your words that make the magic Your thoughts , feelings, doubt It paves the way Or it keeps you the same It’s up to you to every day My steps in sync My melody strong It all is perfect There is no wrong With a light heart And joy divine I call in the energy To help me SHINE

I am a rainbow being of light and love. The earth gives me everything I need, with each step I am complete. I am whole and subconsciously know , I am here to dream , to spread joy, love and peace. Happiness come from within as the rainbows fall from sky I know exactly what I need it all Comes from inside. Believe and know our knowledge is infinite, so be still star child and the answers you need will be shown.

are so soft and pure. I think about earth so often and all her beauty. Enamored with all that she is, I show her respect and love. With intention I hope she feels each step I take to love her.

tend to be quiet, fast, hesitant Hyper aware of everything around me Trying to be perfect Rushing to get things done But my footsteps used to be so loud and confident like the beat of the drums dancing in the wind Yesterday I had a vision of this bright crystal body floating inside, radiating light energy and flowers, reminding me to reclaim my power and stop hiding

Is none of them , they have all Been extremely vivid. I’ve been on a wild ride of dreams guiding my destiny, sometimes they are dark Af but the subconscious holds the answers. My dreams have been guiding me through the shadows. Opening my heart to the unknown and allowing them to guide me to the the possibility of trusting my intuition. On the lunar eclipse night 3/2 I had a dream of the lunar eclipse around 3:30 am and the moon turning into a bunch of beautiful geometric shapes - I had set my alarm for 3:55am to see the totality at 4:04 - it was wild to experience the eclipse in both ways subjectively in my sleep And objectively on my roof. It was so cute to have my hubby Guy join me in his bathrobe facing his fears of heights and being on the roof to feel the energy of the moon and be in the eclipse portal together. I am incredible grateful for this gift … I just googled this before pressing publish…( a person who sees the future in their dreams is most commonly described as having precognitive dreams or experiencing precognition. They are often referred to as a precognitive dreamer, clairvoyant, prophet, or seer) 🐝♾️ 💤wowza - I’ll always let you know if I dream About you

My dreams are often dark. Which is wild because I feel like I do not live in a dark place. Occasionally when I’m ending my period I have irrational thoughts or have a short fuse. I go inward and tend to push those around me away. But that’s the darkest I get. My dreams sometimes are so dark I don’t even feel comfortable thinking about them. I’ve been honest on this app so I feel like it’s safe to speak about it but I have a reoccurring dream/nightmare where there is a woman who is lost. And she needs finding and me and my then husband are trying to find her. Her missing is his responsibility but I’m helping him, I’m staying quiet. But I know deep in my heart something really bad has happened. She’s alive in me, but it in the world. I bear her spirit, she’s telling me where she is, buried somewhere dark. But I never look, I never search the exact place she’s telling me. It’s like I can’t reach her. As I write this I’m literally having an epiphany, I think that woman is me. Trapped in a world I never wanted to live in. The world I felt forced to live in for so long. Because of what others would think or say, so I remained trapped. The ridicule I received when I tried to leave was too much. My family disowned me. Just for wanting to end a marriage and to love someone that in there eyes was unacceptable. I’ve had this dream for years and never thought it could possibly be me. I haven’t had this dream for sometime but I had it often enough that I called it my recording nightmare. Makes sense since I since have left my husband and found that girl (me). Shes free now, and everyday becoming a little more free

feel like freedom in the best way I haven’t had these dreams in a long time But there was a point in my life where I had flying dreams very frequently I think back to what was going on in my life during that era… It was a period of transition, focus, recovery After I decided to shift everything I had once known, to live a life that gave me purpose I cut off so many people. I got clean. I focused on school for the first time in my life. I started working at a preschool. That transition was not easy but so important and now those flying dreams make sense- flying away from my wild untamed past into a new territory that has brought me so much light and love and intention

these are actually my thoughts. Or were they influenced by someone in my life. Is this me? Do I feel this way, or have I been consumed with someone else’s version of this story. I need to begin anew. During this mornings meditation I could feel her, tears streaming down my face, her heart is so intense. The love is so much. The beauty is so much. The creation of life - a new life. Filled with joy and happiness and possibilities. I feel my love pouring and overflowing. Stay here

stop talking to myself. I need to book a therapy session or phone a friend-use a lifeline to keep myself feeling alive. I love this realization. It shows growth to step outside myself to solve problems that would once have been hyper fixations. Building community is the blueprint to building up one’s self. A rising tide raises all ships, they say. It’s equally important for your people to feel needed. I think we forget that. How good it feels to know someone thought of you enough to pick up the phone and rely on you. Nothing quite like feeling needed so let’s show our people we really need them and remember what an honor it is to receive that notice.

Unwind. Exhale. Breathe. I often find myself in moments of solitude. These moments are so necessary for me to reconnect with myself and prepare for what is to come. From going on walks to the beach, to playing my sound bowls/meditating, practicing my DJ skills, and even taking work days from home to realign and get ahead on all my administrative tasks. But these moments of solitude can also turn dark. When my mind starts to take over, telling me that I should be more social or more productive. But there aren’t many people near where I live that I want to share my energy/space with. Then I start to feel like there is something wrong with me. Sometimes the analysis paralysis comes on too strong in a way that is hard to break. Preventing me from doing anything except sitting in my own critical thoughts. Even though I have so many tools and positive outlets in my life, the negative ones have a way of taking over. So I go back to the basics. Breath Rachel. You have so much to be grateful for. Go for a walk. Look at the stars. Play your sound bowls. Exhale. You are ok. You have everything that you need.

Relax my defenses that I didn’t even know were up. “Your need for solitude transcends time and space.” I woke up to this phrase in my dreams and it has changed so much for me.. Solitude for me is everything because I don’t know what I’m holding or feeling that is mine or not mine without it . Also too much solitude can be scary - I will move into my hyper independent spirit that isn’t sustainable or healing for anyone. My human design chart has taught me the most about this, and I’m so grateful for the balance I am finding on how to access my deepest desires , dreams , feelings while also creating partnership and building friendships that are oh so important for me and to me.

Get lost in social media. Doom scrolling. I’m so guilty and I’m so ashamed to say it. (I deleted all socials yesterday) This is very much a work in progress. But I want those minutes/hours spent in a more productive way. I don’t need it, for years I did it to advertise my business. But now I don’t. I’m going to use those minutes doing my daily writing or meditating or reading! I hope this small step builds much better daily habits for me! 💕

I would solve every mystery in the world! I ended up winning a lot of pizza hut pizzas because of how many Nancy Drew books I could read - I held a record for how many pages were read! LOL One and a half books a day! There was also a lot of those very large books on specific animals , like DOGS or HORSES where it was hard covered and every page on the left and right just filled a huge breed or type of dog or horse and I would try to memorize them. So my world would be filled with horses and dogs - although I've turned into a cat person since I found Griff!!! What a world of fantasy and discovery I would be living in - with fairies and elves and Lord of the Rings back drops and Chronicles of Narnia lions!!!!!! This makes me want to read a book :)

I continue to be one with nature and all her beings , communicating and knowing exactly what she needs, Dr. Doolittle was my favorite children’s book. Now more than ever do we as humans need to be this human communicating with nature and listening to her needs. All beings needs are known, how do we use our words to change the 1% and their greed of taking everything and not understanding the repercussions of their endless pursuit of the wrong kind of wealth.

I didn’t read much as a kid. I didn’t really have that sort of childhood. Where Mom or Dad would sit down snuggle me and read me a book. It wasn’t until I had a son that that became a daily ritual in my life. So if I could harness the magic of one of my son’s books, it would be from the book Hilo. These kids are able to have super powers to help heal people and protect them from harm. Doing the right thing deep down even though no one around you believes it’s the right thing. But the heart knows. Hilo also has the ability to feel someone’s presence in his mind even though they are gone. He talks to her. I think that’s something I would very much appreciate.

the actions and thoughts of those that surround me are so incredibly harmful for the soul and the collective. They are all oblivious to frequency, grounding and higher purpose from the heart perspective. I get such a strong pull to teach here, to be a beacon of light. To help people heal. But how do I do it. Should I open the studio I often find myself day dreaing about. Me playing sound bowls singing into their hearts and educating, teaching meditation. Or do I just offer my life to the universe and let it tell me where I should go. I cant fully express what its going to look like. I feel it deep in my womb, thats where it lives for now. Eight more months of my old career, then I am at the mercy of the universe! Where will it take me!?

time stopped as 1000s of bees entered our backyard. I did it, I summoned a swarm with my very own queen pheromone that I concocted with Tito’s vodka and queen larva the year before. When a hive makes 15+ queens you have to make a decision and all the books, all the hive checks made this moment of joy one I will never forget. I’ve caught several swarms before but being able to bear witness to this sight was an incredible accomplishment as a beekeeper and one I hope to have again as spring rapidly approaches.

starting over. Nothing to be afraid of for the direction’s uncertain. There’s light everywhere. Past history erased. Nothing to fear because I haven’t been here before. I tell myself this everyday. It’s a new one I haven’t lived yet, to be approached with optimism and a smile. What could go wrong? I won’t know until it does, but then it’ll be over once a new day’s begun. We start fresh again.

racing down a hill with a thousand pound horse running behind me nothing else mattered time stopped flying knowing she was going to pass me soon feeling her full freedom activating my freedom laughing like i've never laughed before especially while running my first poem i remember writing was about moments Moments that keep me alive moments that drench my thirst when the desert comes back into view and there is a long walk ahead i live for these moment the rest of my life squared four times by resistance but knowing even at a young age the more i focused on everything I loved not everything I struggled with the more things I love would come into view i used to CHASE the moments a motorcycle at 18 sky diving , again and again , and yet again find me a cliff - let me jump until one day somehow I realized these moments were simply addictions disguised in a thrill cover up all that i feel with risk those addictions transferred into more forms of the same DOING as a way to not feel until the moments of joy became too rare too vulnerable for attack by everyone in my life and only when I got sick of my own shit did I look within realizing it was me, attacking me.

when the sunlight first hits me in the morning that look on a child’s face when they feel seen and supported in a school system that facilitates conformity and constriction floating peacefully in the ocean watching someone I love achieve a goal or receive what they have been yearning for the beat of the music feeding my soul Those are the things that bring me the most joy

Pure love! Watching her eyes fill with tears, I could feel how open she was, how grateful she was for this moment. "Ive always wanted things this way ", I said to her. "For you to have the freedoms to fly wherever way you wanted. To be whoever you wanted. To live a life that is meant for you". I will love you from afar, I will love you near, I will support you. "I will love you and trust you to mend any broken pieces of your heart. To make what feels painful right. To fix those connections, you once loved so much, however scary that is. You have to do for you and stop living for others." Love is not control, love is not restrictive, love is free, love is boundless, love has no place in fear. And if at any point your love fades its all ok, we will love and respect each other till the end. Being the best version for my partner feels liberating and I love life this way. Heart so expansive. Love so pure and genuine. This is what love is.

Honestly I don't remember my dreams but I do remember waking up feeling SOOOO HAPPY. The birds outside woke me up , even before Griff, which is what makes me the happiest. I look forward to asking Dream world to come in hot tonight :)

My inner child. I was playing hide and seek but I knew how to be invisible , hiding in plain sight. No one could Find me, I could see and feel everything. Small taking heads, revealed my hiding place.

My subconscious being so clear with me I often feel this in my dreams When I’m trying to walk but I’m barely moving like I’m stuck and I have to push so hard just to move a little I get so frustrated bcs it’s like I’m stuck in honey or something thick and the more I try to walk/run, the harder it is to move forward I mean the message is so clear. I need to surrender and ground myself But I looked up what this could symbolize: - feeling powerless and doubting my abilities - feeling stuck in my life and not knowing what my next step should be - having a lack of control - pressure to make a decision - a need to slow down - sleep paralysis The internet asks- “are you going through a major life change or experiencing high levels of stress right now?” Yesssss lol

Is what’s next? How can this be it? I’ve coached baby sports for 16 years and I’m not sure how to step into the next version of myself. I’m not exactly sure who that is… However I know I am meant to be barefooted outside , healing in nature, one with the birds and the bees. Nothing else seems to matter besides being with my loves. I know I will find my way , I try to remind myself there is no rush in this matter although my heart and soul want it all right fucking now.

that I will never , ever figure it out and I have to fully surrender to the flow of my life. There are times where things stabilize, and it feels SO GOOD, and then it changes - shifts - lifts -redirects. It's a pattern that just is a part of my existence, not because I'm doing something wrong or I did something wrong, but because this is just what it is meant to be for me! If I flow into those spaces and release all expectation, I regain my peace. This is probably why I love the song "Ain't no rest for the wicked" so much ... lol it's just always about to pop off!!!!!

I will turn 60 in June. Two thirds of my life is behind me. And while I love my husband and my five children more than anything, there is a quiet ache I cannot ignore. It isn’t regret for the life I’ve lived. It’s something else. It’s the sense that part of me never fully stepped forward. For decades, I focused on everyone else’s needs. I held our family together. I weathered hard seasons and celebrated beautiful ones. We grew stronger through it all. My marriage deepened. My children are wonderful humans. I do not regret those years. But somewhere inside those sacred roles, I went quiet. I have always been afraid of uncertainty. As a child, I had been told I wasn't smart enough, pretty enough, good enough on my own. I was expected to play small. To be happy with the scraps. To not take up space. And, my job, was to be of service to everyone else. I lack the tools and confidence to chasing something that didn’t come with guarantees. Not too long ago, I discovered I am a manifestor, a master number 33. I thought that insight would feel empowering. Instead, it amplified the ache. It made me aware of the risks I didn’t take, the voice I kept measured, the dreams I postponed in the name of stability. In my 60th year, I don’t want to look backward. I want to step forward into the next chapters of my life.

I want to be more connected with nature but im fighting the urge to stay inside under a blanket. So much snow has fallen, I get so excited to shovel it and then im too exhausted to play in it with my son. I have regrets about not wanting to be out in nature in the winter. Im sttruggling because its what I need. Winter is hard but im making it a lot harder.

moments of isolation. My therapist always reminds me not to isolate myself. I call it self preservation, but it gets out of hand I have to agree. Sometimes I yell just to hear my own voice after days without leaving these four walls or speaking to another person. The pandemic has trapped me, still even after six years. Remote work, and a job that doesn’t pay exceptionally well, my disdain for the gym, and heavy discernment with friends is a recipe for disaster when it comes to leaving the house. I use to be free though, and remember those times out in the sun and the elements fondly. Laughing a lot, smiling, and now I’m just California daydreaming within these four walls. Most days.

Daily snuggles from my dogs. Their unconditional love keeps me going and reminds me that every day starts over with love as the guiding force. It’s easy to get caught in negative thought patterns but their wiggle butts remind me to keep going, face the darkness and smile more.

The moments that are life changing. The moments that stick with you forever. The ah hah moments. I hear it so clearly now. The slowness and stillness allows time to pause just enough that they show up so loud, so clear! Im learning so much about people and life and beings. And it’s constant. Like a ringing in the ear, the voices, the whispers, that are always there. A feeling, and pull.

When the waves crash and I fall into a low I tend to self-destruct and let the hopelessness overflow Pushing away the people I care about the most Overthinking until I implode Acting on impulsive behaviors instead of using the tools that will bring that relief I knowww I need to let go of these self-limiting beliefs Without these lows I would not appreciate the highs The key is to keep using allll the tools and let it flowww while I’m riding this crazy ride

me with a dream of driving around a station wagon filled with animals! LOL Everyone was a friend and I couldn't stop talking. Once I learned how to read (which I learned fully by 4 from my big sister Michelle) I then wouldn't stop reading things out loud - every sign we drove by I would just shout out loud. I wanted to make the whole world smile. I remember the moment mom let us finally paint our room - Michelle and I had bunk beds and so we painted the bottom half of the wall (my part) with oceans - it was an amazing realistic piece of art on all three walls. Michelle got her wall painted fully SPACE with all 9 planets. I remember last year snorkeling at Molokini and the angel fish that were on my wall all of a sudden were in front of me and I couldn't stop crying. I love angel fish. Everything was bright and beautiful - but it was mostly about animals for me. My parakeets. My fish. My dogs. Also soccer- and Michelle Akers and Mia Hamm. So obsessed. The fact that Michelle Akers follows me on Instagram still blows my mind. I also loved peanut butter and wanted unlimited amounts of that. My mom was allergic so it became the forbidden food that I couldn't get enough of !!!

Grandmas garden. The Raspberry bush and strawberries growing under the willow tree. Lettuce to pick for you and me. Shooting hoops , swinging on the swing, playing outside is all we needed. Food growing and a fresh sandwich made by grandmas hands , blueberries and cream was the dessert of choice. Nothing else was needed , take an afternoon nap and don’t worry about the future.

Full of dancing and colors and fun music. It was laughter and family and friends. It was being included and liked. It was fun clothing and moving my body with back bends and flips. It was performing and connecting with people. It was love and snuggles. It was leaving an impression everywhere I went. It was art and creativity. It was fucking epic.

A big playground Freedom So many places to explore QUESTIONING EVERYTHING These adults don’t know what they are doing Are they just making everything up as they go? Does that mean I can make my own rules too? These things they tell us to do/learn seem pretty unnecessary? ….like a distraction to keep us compliant Ohhh there’s nothing they can do about it if I don’t comply? This way of thinking may have taken me down a few dark paths at times, but it also opened so many doors for me and the best adventures were haddd and I learned so many lessons. For that, I am so grateful

I was able to have a chartered boat company in Maui completely change their cleaning products for their two beautiful ships to help protect the coral!!! 📷 [Photo](https://base44.app/api/apps/698fdb85002069c9ec456aa1/files/public/698fdb85002069c9ec456aa1/5dbd5fc60_IMG_6663.jpg)

that I am uncertain of where I am going when all I have to do is look at my feet that I am confused on the direction when I am the one in the Seat that I possibly could have made a mistake although the Hawks say otherwise these self-sabotaging beliefs are always my demise the trick is letting it play out and then saying thank you, I hear you What's another option? ☀️

that I have no self control, can’t stick to things, and can easily talk myself out of doing things. I hold back and back down because it’s easier. I lack confidence and patience. I’m strong though, I’m resilient and brave. I can do hard things.

I tell myself often I can’t sing. And I can’t do this. Everyone around me is telling me I can. I don’t understand how what I hear is different from they hear. But I think I’m getting in the way and this belief is harmful for my soul

the fact that neighbors are my horses and while I go through some insane intense nervous system regulation I have tools like writing, breathing, and .. horses. <3 Gratitude always helps me refocus so I am grateful for this prompt although it is somewhat repetitive to the other day! :)

Music To set the vibe The beat energizes my soul My sister lost custody of my niece this morning Immediately I went to the sound bowls And then music to ground myself and protect my energy The song stuck in my head today in case you all were wondering: Tempo by Lizzo 🎶🎵

I’m tired of waiting. The time ticking by. Getting older, and wiser, but forever feeling behind. There’s freedom in letting go of the clock. Not counting the seconds, not counting the breaths, as I pace through the house unsure of what’s next. I’m waiting on something big to wash over my mind and jumpstart me into some direction. Any direction I’ll take, at this point, to stop pacing and start living. These are the thoughts that keep me up at night, until I dream of waking up in a new light.

I’ve got nothing for this one I’ve been saying way too much lately I need to tighten tf up again 😂 Reminder to self- some things are better left unsaid

I’m noticing the programming and how toxic it is. Living within me, deep within my thoughts are toxic views and judgements. I don’t want to be this woman. I don’t want these voices living within me. I certainly would not want the world to view me this way. Heart. Soften. Find the beauty, find the love. Want to break the programming, teach my child that life is about love. Softness. Warmth. Support. Mother Earth. Each other. Breaking this cold heart.

It is absolutely insane that we are shipping bales of hay from Idaho all across the ocean for $53 a bale when I could just contact every single landscaper and as long as they aren't spraying pesticides on the grass gather it for fresh food for the hundreds of livestock that live on this island..... LOL

I wrote this prompt in my morning pages today and decidedly it was too personal to share. But know I was here :) Looking forward to sharing tomorrow’s prompt!

The thoughts that keep swirling In my mind is it’s time to let go , it’s time to move , it’s time to show the world what I’ve got but it will take time , it will take more than thoughts. Action is needed for great change but sometime this action is sitting and being still and letting these thoughts pass by like the ocean tide. Darkness creeps in to these thoughts swirling around that I won’t have the right words or answers or actions to be the change this world deserves. I must face these dark thoughts and bring in the light. I have to be brave and not let my past define my present state of mind. Take a breath and let this dis-ease pass by.

The thought that keeps swirling through my mind is how did I get here. How did one simple idea turn into this, how on earth am I doing this right now. I have no idea what I’m doing, I don’t know the words, oh my gosh that was so bad. Just keep going. I think that was kinda good, I feel like I just have to let go. I need to move. I swing my harms and let out a couple deep wide mouth groans. I let my body know it’s ok. I step to the mic. It goes really well. I well up inside, I feel like crying. Overwhelmed. I can do this. I just have to let go. My body is so tense I need to just release all that’s in there. The energy of this man is not for me. Forget him. It’s finally over, thank gosh. Then the feeling of understanding, support rushes in. A warm hug. It’s going to be ok, you should be here. The invitation. I want love to be a part of everything I do. Regardless of what is going on. I truly feel it will come through if we all come from love! Let’s try this again!

There are so many All these thoughts running rampant in my mind I would not wish this way of thinking on anyone Ppl tell me that I am blessed to be gifted with such intelligence It’s a curse and a blessing The wild patterns that unfold The memories that I hold Making my heart question its true path Constantly reminding myself to slow down and breath to counteract

is how irritable I get during my luteal phase. LOL I didn't notice it until I started dating again, but that is why I am so grateful for this moon cycle tracker. It makes me realize two things: That YES, I might be a little low on progesterone and a DUTCH test wouldn't be a terrible idea, but I'm proactively adding wild yam into my supplement routine. And YES, my irritability is my lack of communicating my need for solitude (or enforcing boundaries) because sometimes I don't even have the words yet! SO it is a pattern I am very grateful for. And I LOVE having a womb and a moon cycle to be able to drop into this wisdom!

The way I prevent myself from desiring anything too deeply Not getting too attached to goals, hobbies, relationships Protecting my heart from hurt or disappointment Bcs I know when I do get attached I will care too much or love very deeply But this also blocks me from feeling true joy, passion, and accomplishment Instead inducing anxiety, a false sense of security/control, and complacency Now in this year of the fire horse… I allow myself to follow my heart with peace, clarity, and flow Trusting that the universe will support me regardless of the outcome

1. the way the universe has always got me- in my lows and highs my guides always protect me and send me what I need- like a safety net. I used to feel this energy so deeply and live my life like I was invincible- something the universe has reminded me of recently and I am surrendering to that energy again. I am protected! 2. my job LOL something I used to complain about so much but I have grown to love it. I feel so much gratitude for the fulfillment I receive from working with kids and helping others. I also feel blessed to have the flexibility and support system 3. i am so grateful for where I live- where I can walk to the beach or the park surrounded by the mangroves when I need to clear my mind. About to be a homeowner is wildddd

My cat - even though he wakes me up at 1:50, 2:30, 4:30 in the morning these days because he wants to be with his new friends - he is the most consistent thing I've ever had in my life and he is the best snuggler in the world. My home - and the journey it took to have a home again. Maybe one day I'll own land and a ranch and horses but right now I couldn't be more grateful for where the universe put me. In between two goats and 3 horses. With a room that is my altar. With gardens all around. With plants and birds, rain and wind. Oranges and tangerines. BANANAS. The ocean. I am so grateful to be getting to know Maui again, and to give her all my love. My spirit - and how I refuse to give up. Apparently I have a GRAND CROSS in astrology in the cardinal signs and that means I'll always take a step forward and two steps back but I don't even think about the two steps back because I just keep moving forward. And that is because of my spirit. My connection to Spirit, my big heart, and my connection to purpose. Sometimes I don't have the full fire but I always have a spark. Grateful for this fun new place I built and I hope it serves people in the best possible way. xx

manic ! Never noticing how much I had accomplished, only moving on to the next. Not letting myself absorb fully LOVE, PRIDE, JOY. How far I have journeyed to feel such peace. Maybe it was the coffee. Maybe it was just my refusal to sit and breathe. I love how far I've come. I am proud of how far I've come.

a girl that I once knew 🎵🎶 The past eras of myself Running wild and free in those streets Until the fun turned into darkness And the freedom turned into self-destruction I cringe so hard when I pass the street I got arrested on Or use a bathroom stall that I used to snort coke in But these places I avoid remind me… Who tf I am My power and strength The people who loved me and held it down All the opportunities I have had and most importantly all the lessons I have learned and how far I have come To those past versions of myself still living deep down inside… I send love, light, and laughter And deep gratitude for this journey I am on I take a deep breath I am safe now.

Shadows remind us that the sun is still shining. Keep looking down, and they’ll consume you.

I’m walking near the wall, I keep my distance. Avoiding the dark parts of my mind, my nervous system reacts first and I stay in the light. Afraid of being consumed, I can see myself curled up in fetal position, knees tucked beneath my chin. Against the cold, dark wall I’d surely be if I let my mind roam free. So I reign myself in every time to avoid the shadows of my past and live in future’s light. That brightness, so starkly different, is what I desire.

The way I avoid the shadows when ... My laptop last week needed a reset. It had been in overdrive for too long, so I just STOPPED STOPPED STOPPED like that five-step process and I let it take a moment. When I opened it up again - it was opened back up to my laptop from 2018. I have no idea how this happened, but I know it was no coincidence. My entire desktop was covered in all my 2018 projects, which if you knew me back then know it was a lot. I was about to go onto Shark Tank. I was opening a gym. I just launched my supplement company. I had online programs. I was a newscaster for Denver9news. Pictures and folders and tabs opened up of things I haven't seen , touched, or mentioned in soooo very long. And of course. My ex. He was everywhere. I gasped when I saw this all happen - and my instinct was to grab the entire group of folders , and drag - drop - DELETE. I threw it all into the trash so fast you might not have even seen some of the folders. I stopped. I sighed again - and realized that maybe there was a reason for this. I went into the trash can and one by one pulled out folders I never thought I would see. P&Ls. Recipe cards. Vacation photos. When I looked at them, I just felt a deep sense of love for myself. Maybe I deleted it because I thought I would feel shameful, or upset at myself. Sometimes I was more manic than magic, and consuming the amount of caffeine I used to consume was always fuel to the fire. To giggle at my projects and see so much heart and love within it all made me realize that I don't need to avoid those shadows anymore. I can be proud, and trust that it all led to something important. Because truly.. it did. xx

The story I tell myself about my worth begins with... the story I create today. For the story I wrote last year, even last week - doesn't do my heart justice. Every day I fight for self-love, to breathe into the resistance I sometimes feel. To remind myself to speak kindly to my reflection. I am tender, gentle, sensitive. I AM LOVE. My dream last night was so beautiful An angelic being in an olympic ice rink Placing his hand on my heart - with their face of WOW YES GIRL YOU GOT IT Trust that my heart knows what is best Trust that my heart is filled with beauty TRUST that my heart is indeed pure I am worthy of beautiful things <3